life under a velvet moon

"memoirs of a geisha"

2005-12-12T07:52:00.000-08:00

okay, i have just finished the most amazingly beautiful/tragic book i have ever read. i've been intrigued by the title for months, but it took seeing a stunning preview of the movie to collect 8 of my dollars, and purchase it paperback. (yes, i could have simply gone to the library, but its much more out of the way than Walgreens!)
the story unfolds pre/during the depression, in an extravagant city called Gion, located in Japan. Golden, who unbeliveably is an American male, captures not only the minute details of beauty and harshness of the city, but also the inner struggles of the young maid and soon to be Geisha, Chiyo. its evident that Golden has done his research for the Geisha way of life...but you'd almost think he'd experienced it firsthand, because more than just history, this novel has true heart. he very gently and vividly takes you through this land of struggle, beauty, suffering, abuse, sexuality and domination, so gently that you'd almost think you've just read an epic piece of poetry. but just as poetry sounds beautiful and magical, the subject matter is often dark and painful, just as this novel.
i closed this book amazed, burdened and even more intrigued than when i first opened it. oh how i love good authors!

corporate confusion...

2005-12-03T10:31:00.000-08:00

well...i'm back from a trip to houston...a business trip i may say...though the title sounds so haughty. i went to the corporate offices of my company, and attended a grueling 3 day seminar/workshop on leadership and management. (look up mark kamin and you'll understand why i say grueling.) what i recieved or didn't recieve from the seminar is irrelevant. it was the 3 days of wearing shoes that made me sound important walking down the impersonal hallways. the 3 days of being "entertained" for dinner by a big shot who has surely forgotten my name. the 3 days of my conversation being competitive, and most impressive. the 3 days of stepping out of myself and becoming a creature of a slightly false and undefined importance.
this is my confusion....if i take this position (service center manager), i will have to be this person. yes...i can and will still let my personality shine through, for i do believe it is why i recieved the offer in the first place, but if i don't present the image they seek, and become concerned with profit vs. integrity (i've found it to be very difficult BUT possible to balance the 2,) then i will no longer be considered an asset to the "team" and will let go.
now...i know this must sound very cut and dry...either i want this or i don't, but its not that simple. i know for a fact i do not want a future with this company. i am not going to push aside all my dreams and ambitions to climb the "corporate ladder." i am sure about this. but this is my current job, and i will be here for another 2 years.
if i were selling literature, home decor, or even hair product, i would definately take on this venture. but screenroom and sunroom building products have no interest to me. the question is, is this important? do i need to love what i'm selling, or be honored to be a 22 year old female, managing an all male center, in a corporation where all managers are over 35yrs of age? could this still be a stepping stone into future endeavors? is it worth maybe slightly selling out, to gain respect and prove myself? do i even need to prove myself?
i guess this is my confusion. this is a time where i wish God would write YES or NO with a bold marker on a very large poster board, and drop it down from the sky. that's not how it works though...so i suspose i need to do some serious soul searching these next few weeks, and pray the decision i make be a wise one...
on a different note, Alycia, i had a funny dream about us last night. we were on a boat/submarine type thing, and it was our home. we were going somewhere with an important destination, and we were susposed to be training and studying...but all i could find in me to do was scare you. literally. i would hide in your closet, behind corners, in the shower, under tables, just to jump out and scare the daylights out of you. though we needed to be taking our mission seriously...all i wanted to do was scare you and then make you laugh...which is what the whole dream consisted of. it was funny.

laughter

2005-10-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

on my way to work i was listening to this silly little radio show, and they were having people call in to answer this question, "what is your favorite thing that life provides?" people called with all kinds of either cheesy or vulgar things.
well...i've been thinking and all these memories started coming to me. emily laughing with her body all stiff, and her hand slapping her knee. me and alycia laying on our stomachs, producing these deep guttural sounds, which would sound so hilarious that they turned into a mixture of snorting and loud spats of a laugh trying to get out. katie, with tears streaming down her cheeks looking up at the ceiling with this laugh no one can explain, and this look of almost desperation. stephanie, in a movie theater, and something funny happens on the screen and this loud high-pitched squeal comes from her mouth and the people around turn to look at her like she's crazy.
justin, his eyes looking all crazy and big and his face turning all shades of pink. this also somehow disables his ability to stand up, as i always find him laughing on the floor.i then realized, one of my most favorite things life(GOD) provides is laughter. i can be in the worst mood, then think of these things, and i'll crack up. in fact, i've had to wipe my eyes a few times just writing this thinking of you all.
so thank you, my dear friends, for your distinct ways of cracking up. it cracks me up.

2005-10-03T14:40:00.000-07:00

Getting ready for Stephanie's wedding

"lights will guide you home...."-coldplay, "fix you"

2005-10-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse
when the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
or love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse...

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
i will try to fix you

high up above and down below
you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know
just what you're worth

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
i will try to fix you

tears stream down your face
when you lose something that you cannot replace
tears stream down your face and i
tears stream down your face
i promise you i will learn from my mistakes
tears stream down your face and i

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you.

this is my prayer for you dear Emily-that you will be able to look to the sun, to the moon, to the stars, and find home. these are God's wonders-this is what they are meant for....

lonely days....

2005-06-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

well..today is a lonely day. justin went out to sea on monday for a 3 week cruise, so its just me and calvin, (my kitty). some days its nice to have the "alone time," and to have the whole bed...but days like today, i feel like a little girl left home alone. but oh well...i gotta suck it up. builds character, right?
here's something cool...we trained our cat to stand up for treats. and he does..he stands right up the minute he hears the words, "do you want a treeeeeat?"

Virginia Beach

2005-06-11T06:53:00.000-07:00

its funny...when i lived in ohio, i wanted nothing more than to "get away," then i went away and decided i definately wanted to "go back." i guess its part of the whole, "you always want what you don't have," thing. anyhow, as i'm realizing this....i figure, if we do move back to ohio (once he's done with the navy,) then i'm sure within 1 month i'll want to "get away" again....so to make a long idea short....i'm really trying to love it here. its virgnia beach! i live 10 minutes from warm sand, and cool water. from the moonlit ocean, and beach festivities. i live in a place where everything is modern and clean...and to top it off...everyone is super friendly. the only vice is that the traffic and drivers here are forever instilling road rage inside me. everything else is absolutely wonderful. and i think the best part of it is, i get to share it with my husband. yes...it's hard to be apart from all my friends and family...but it's created a unity so strong between justin and i...that i wouldn't change it for the world. this is how God planned it for me, for us. pretty cool.

For my husband...

2005-03-29T07:58:00.000-08:00

fluid-free-silent wind-
so strong-yet so mild-
bringing the scent of angels-
i can't help but follow...
you...
my love...

2005-03-27T03:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Easter!!

2005-03-17T05:44:00.000-08:00

Happy St. Patty's Day!!!!

life's small pleasures

2005-03-15T08:29:00.000-08:00

laughing
getting complimented by a child
hugs (real ones)
realizing that strange noise your car is making is really just the visor tapping the winshield
seeing food you ordered on its way
when the lights dim in a movie
"pizza night"
the smell of spring weather
wearing your old favorite t-shirt
getting personal mail
paying off your credit card
picking out cards for people
having a good "heart-to -heart" with a family member
when a stranger smiles at you ( in a non-creepy way)
light traffic
hearing a good song from back in the day
catching up with an old friend
chocolate chip cookie dough
rolling down a hill
talking with God
feeling love
--What's your favorite small pleasure?

let me tell you 'bout my best friend

2005-03-14T16:14:00.000-08:00

yes, i'm talking about alycia snothea....err.....i mean jams...(yes...i excluded the "e") well..after somehow hunting down my address and then threatening to egg my car if i didn't pick her up from the airport..i finally gave in and let her stay at my house. haha..i'm just kidding...i totally wanted her to come...and boy oh boy did i need it. i love, absolutely love, my husband, but he will never appreciate new mascara, or understand my excitement for lipgloss. i would also never ever consider punching him in the forehead, but alycia and i...we can do that sort of thing. well...maybe never again the forehead punching thing, because if you saw the crazed look that glazed over her eyes.. you can count the function of a working arm out. but on a serious note...those 6 days were like therapy for me. i had so much fun, laughed so hard, and felt so real and comfortable. it meant so much to me for her to come down and see me and my husband's life, and our home...especially because she's always been part of that "home" away from home to me. all in all....God is awesome at picking out the best people to share and witness your life. i thank Him so much for that.

To Eric

2005-03-11T14:41:00.000-08:00

Hey, your blog wouldn't let me post comments on it, so i was just hoping you would read Sarah's. (This is Alycia) I was just wondering how your family is doing?

time time time....

2005-03-07T16:24:00.000-08:00

okay...so i worked from 8-5...came home, with all sorts of goals for the evening...clean the whole apartment, go on a jog, do pilates, bathe...but i must say....it seems the elements of the world got the best of me...my neighbor comes up to return a video..something that should take but a few seconds, but it turned into an hour 1/2 long conversation...why, because i love to talk! i hadn't eaten dinner or even taken off my shoes from work..none-the-less began to tackle my "goals." then of course i grab something to eat, and get hypnotized by the TV...(and the comfort of my couch.) the importance of my "goals" began to dwindle. so finally i get up..thinking to myself...come on...at least clean something..and guess what....i'm typing this blog!! ahh! one little visit from a neighbor has completely derailed my entire productivity for the evening. not to say its the fault of my neighbor..i hold all the credit. who says you can't do the dishes and talk at the same time...who says you even have to flippin' talk!? well..i at least have to vaccum soon, because i can't vaccum late or early in the morning, cause i'll wake all my beloved neighbors,and my best friend in the whole world is coming to stay with me for a few days..so my house has to be somewhat presentable...you're probably wondering why i'm still writing...me too...i guess i'll stop now. have a good night or morning or day..and be productive! ;)

to me

2005-02-21T10:05:00.000-08:00

Descending from twilight,
Into the dreariest of day,
Colors vanish with the dew drops
And its here I lay
In a bed of complacency,
Longing for a dream
Yet my eyes remain unopened
From the fear that seems
To keep me unmoved
And striving to be
Everything to everyone,
Yet I’m nothing to me.

please pray...

2005-02-11T13:10:00.000-08:00

i was given some bad news today...my cousin passed away this week. he was in his 30's and slightly handicap. i guess he had a massive heart attack, and was found 2 days later. His mother, my aunt, has had a very rough year...her mother died, she found out she had cancer, and now this. my uncle has just begun developing his faith in Jesus prior to all this, and was tested by my aunt's cancer, but this has completely shattered him. he's very angry and hopeless. i know we all handle tragedy differently, and its perfectly healthy to grieve and be upset. i just pray that he doesn't blame God for this. So please, if any of you get the chance, say a small prayer for my family. this has been devastating and shocking for everyone, but i personally have peace about it. he was saved, and completly filled with joy before he passed...that brings me much comfort.

what's wrong with me??

2005-02-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

i had another weird dream!!! i'm a freak!! okay..i don't remember all of it, but i do remember sitting in a courtyard with really nice patio furniture, with a nutritionalist and britney spears eating peanut soup. yes...peanut soup, and no...i've never heard of it. and britney spears?? i have no clue whats up with that.
THEN...i'm with a different friend and we're lost, walking around in some neighborhood thats surrounded by mountains...and there's like 10 inches of snow, and we find a trail that had been shoveled. as we're walking on it...we come across 3 middle-aged women, doing yoga in the middle of the path, with tank-tops and spandex shorts, and the song "i will survive" was playing. yeah....what's up with that??

horrible yet hilarious

2005-02-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

last night i had a dream that i was with every single one of my girlfriends, and we were rolling down this extremely rocky mountain for fun, and we were susposed to land in water. anyhow, it came time for my friend emily to roll down and i had to push her. she did something wrong and instead of landing in the water, she plowed right into a big rock. at first we were all scared, but then emily turned around cracking up with her face all scratched up, and we all began laughing. we did it to her 3 more times and every time she hit the rock, but we all kept cracking up. by the 3rd time, emily was covered in blood, and was severely injured, but we all thought it was the funniest thing. then the dream switches scenes and we're in the ER waiting room and out comes Emily with gauze wrapped all over her head and a helmet on. we were all still laughing, including emily.
am i demented or what???????

pullin my dreams out from under the messy messy bed...

2005-02-01T16:43:00.000-08:00

howdy...i like this blog business..its pretty fun. anyhow, a few days ago i decided to put my dream of writing a novel to action. the title is "life under a velvet moon,"which as you can see..is also the title of my blog....i'm not sure why, but i really like that phrase...its like saying you're living life under this magical sky..which i believe we all are, thanks to Him...and i like that. so yeah, its a novel about.........haha..i'm not telling....you'll have to buy my book when it gets published

the not-so-dramtic-drama of married life.....

2005-01-26T15:54:00.000-08:00

well...i've come to find out a few things about married life......
1.) you can't ignore the kitty litter box like when you lived with your parents and your dad would do it.
2.) you can't put the empty kool-aid pitcher back in the fridge expecting your mother to make some more... because now your husband does the same thing, expecting you to make it.
and 3.) you find that the most tragic and heart breaking thing you go through will be spilling nail polish remover on the coffee table and watching it eat away the paint in a few spots frantically wondering "how could i have done this??" and "what am i going to do??" yes..you even may shed a few tears.

Ahh..the splendor of having a kindred spirit :)

2005-01-25T19:38:00.000-08:00

and the splendor of that kindred spirit having a wonderful yet neurotic mother.......lol.......i'm tellin' you what, having a friend that you can count on to understand exactly what you're talking about, exactly where you came from, and exactly who you are is the best thing in the world. i just got done with a 125 minute conversation with my best friend, alycia. and those minutes were not free....thats real friendship. :) anyhow, so we just talked about everything and nothing, and laughed like we used to. like i used to. i can laugh with my husband, but there is something about laughing with that one friend, who knows so much about you, who understands your humor perfectly, that just makes it so wonderfully therapeutic. okay....i must go do my pilates and bathe my body. i pray you all have a laughter filled week...